i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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