hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
