just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
