yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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