I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
too bad you live with your parents still
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
