Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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