i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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