last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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