Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
