I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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