five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
