after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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