We named our party play list daddy issues
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have tasted many bathrooms