youre lurking in front of me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
