we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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