I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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