Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.

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  (914): he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped. http://tfl.nu/0vpq
  Replies (5) Good night (3627) Bad night (585)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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  (847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help. http://tfl.nu/0kqr
  Replies (14) Good night (913) Bad night (2999)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry

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  (609): I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry http://tfl.nu/vmjm
  Replies (10) Good night (916) Bad night (4664)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

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  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (21) Good night (10495) Bad night (1701)
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  (415): View more from California

  It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.

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  (415): It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner. http://tfl.nu/rtus
  Replies (23) Good night (3472) Bad night (1925)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

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  (920): You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day. http://tfl.nu/y8lp
  Replies (10) Good night (2937) Bad night (982)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

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  (479): If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/qsaq
  Replies (12) Good night (3265) Bad night (857)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.

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  (713): Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere. http://tfl.nu/qua7
  Replies (3) Good night (1208) Bad night (618)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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  (818): I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job. http://tfl.nu/0hbs
  Replies (13) Good night (2676) Bad night (967)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from. 

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  (832): I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.  http://tfl.nu/6jpo
  Replies (2) Good night (1139) Bad night (555)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.

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  (817): If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text. http://tfl.nu/t6cn
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (359)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.

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  (425): I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me. http://tfl.nu/601h
  Replies (5) Good night (361) Bad night (600)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me

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  (413): alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me http://tfl.nu/w53h
  Replies (3) Good night (638) Bad night (345)
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  (925): View more from California

  Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha

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  (925): Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha http://tfl.nu/s6cd
  Replies (2) Good night (410) Bad night (242)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.

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  (307): I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this. http://tfl.nu/8dvi
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (206)

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