I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack