made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
