I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.