I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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