Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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