i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
