That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
