I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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