I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
