hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize