dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
