the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
