Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
