my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
