Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this just has baby written all over it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
