it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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