So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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