yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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