i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize