My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
