hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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