smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
