Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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