thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
