we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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