well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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