Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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