we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
and you fell through a lawn chair
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
