I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
