READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
