They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
