i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
