I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
