i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
