I'm going to jail i love you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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