Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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