So drunk its hurt
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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