I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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