trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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