Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
