The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
