someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
