I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
