I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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