Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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