Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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