Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hippo gnu deer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
