Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
