sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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