It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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