a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
