apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
