I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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