Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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