Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
