This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
