Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
