I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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