I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am available for nakedness
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
