you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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