there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
